What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 05:32
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Taylor Swift Owns Two Versions of Four Albums. Now What? - Billboard
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Why would Trump make conspiracy claims that Haitians are eating pets in Ohio?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Comes on , in middle age.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Do handsome guys intimidate women or people in general?
She found it foreign!.
This is soul school!.
We all went to grammer schools
Have you ever accidentally seen your mother-in-law doing something that was private to her?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Redefining physics to roll a ball vertically - Phys.org
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Image of giant volcano on Mars captured by NASA orbiter - ABC News
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
'Cosmic miracle!' James Webb Space Telescope discovers the earliest galaxy ever seen - Yahoo
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I have no regrets .
Why does my mom never wear underwear?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
So, i spoilt her more .
Report: Broncos are signing running back J.K. Dobbins to a one-year deal - Mile High Report
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
New research links changes in walking patterns to early Alzheimer’s - The Brighter Side of News
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Why did i forgive my father ?
All the time i was locked up.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
What are the best ways to treat seasonal allergies?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Another Bodybuilder Just Died a Horrible Death - futurism.com
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I couldn’t, believe it.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I think the readers, may guess!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I never cut or harmed myself..
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Who then, do I blame.?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I said to her
One cannot live in the past .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Especially a lifetime of it.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I was scared of men, in general
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I was very sick at this time too.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He knew the spot.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And i lived it daily.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But it wasn’t much.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She loved him until the end.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I could never make a relationship work though!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I don,t even have a pension.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She was in good health!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He resisted the act ,that day.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Im still living with it.
Would this be the day?
What did i know ?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But, we were locked up after school.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Put me off passion for life!!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
We were not on the streets..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
It was going to be , some day.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
She married twice! .
Ive learnt so much.
I will be 64.
So whats the point in blame.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I was seconnd youngest,
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I write beautiful poetry .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But ive been too sick for many years..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She wouldn,t have been !
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I was 9 years of age.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
My family never makes their pension either.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Was to survive, this bastard.
As i do to all so called friends.?
My life is so biszare .
(And it was in our own minds.)
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I waited trembling.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
When she asked me how she looked .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
This is how, and why children get BPD.